The Ultimate Guide to Quitting Porn for Good
Why Quitting Porn Is So Hard
If you've ever thought, “Why can’t I just stop?”, you’re not alone. Quitting porn isn’t just about “willpower.” It’s about changing an ingrained behavior. It could be a coping mechanism, an escape, or maybe you “just like it”.
But porn doesn’t stop at a harmless good time. It can become compulsive and difficult to stop. It changes your brain so you can no longer enjoy real life. Let’s dig deeper into what makes porn so addictive.
The Neuroscience Behind Porn Addiction
Porn directly attacks your brain. Flooding it with dopamine far beyond natural levels. When your brain is exposed to these elevated dopamine levels over long periods of time it becomes desensitized. Needing more, new, and different all the time.
For me, porn started as something curious. I found it on the family computer (Left by someone else) and it led to intrigue. I wondered what they were doing and why.
But eventually it was no longer cute curiosity. By university, I was deep in it. Losing hours upon hours to porn.
This is called superstimulation. It can happen with just about anything:
Food
Social Status
Sex
Video games
They are extreme versions of everyday and natural behaviors. Junk food has extremely high calories, sugars, and fats. Social media puts a number to social status. Porn weaponizes sex to keep you clicking.
And unlike real sexual connection, porn requires zero effort and maximum stimulation. It’s a lever that is so hard for your monkey brain to stop pulling.
Want to Dig Deeper? Why Porn Is So Addictive: The Science of Superstimuli
The Evolution of Pornography: From Taboo to a Global Concern
Pornography has evolved over the years. It has gone from paintings, to photographs in magazines, to customized AI experiences. Each new version is more accessible than the last.
Porn can now be found anywhere. New hit series have blatantly sexual scenes, bringing porn directly to your eyeballs even when you didn’t ask for it.
As if that wasn’t enough? You’re in control of an x-rated theatre in your pocket at all times. How is willpower supposed to stand a chance against that?
My dad used to have to go to a store, buy a nudie magazine, sneak it inside, and find the right time to use it. But now, I can pull my phone out in a room full of people and no one will notice.
This level of accessibility creates major challenges for the select few who wish to break the mold. The ones who want to love more intensely and be their full selves.
Check out the Porn Timeline: The Evolution of Pornography
What Happens to Your Brain When You Quit Porn
Quitting Porn is a full brain reset. The behaviors you do, how you deal with stress, and your well being all come into play. That reset can feel like a drag, a slug through a deep mud.
However, it doesn’t last forever. On the other side of the mud is confidence, sexual power, and freedom. You will no longer feel like a prisoner to desire. Instead you will be a liberated powerhouse.
Understanding the Dopamine Reset Process
Quitting porn is liberating, exciting, and may be one of the best choices of your life. But, it doesn’t start that way. Like anything worth doing it is hard.
When you quit porn, there is a huge mood drop. One that will feel a lot like depression. Your dopamine system must rebalance itself based on your new behaviors.
Your dopamine system has been so overstimulated for such a long time that it has to reset. In porn addiction communities, this is called the “flatline”. My clients comment on this period all day.
They say things like “Nothing feels good anymore”, “I feel like shit”. “Maybe I should just watch porn” No, you shouldn’t. You already felt this way but quitting is making you notice it.
This feeling is temporary. Consider it the cost of having the life you dream of having.
Learn more: Dopamine Reset: Why You Feel Numb and Unmotivated
How Long Does It Take to Rewire Your Brain?
The reset is temporary. Your brain needs time to rewire and find new, more natural ways to get dopamine. Depending on the severity of your porn addiction, It can take anywhere from 30-200+ days for this rewiring to occur. Studies on internet addiction have similar claims.
I think counting days is one of the most overrated ways to quit pornography. By focusing on days it makes relapse feel like a huge loss, causing those relapse once to spiral for weeks or months.
You should be focusing on learning:
What environments make you triggered (and how can you avoid them?)
Which daily habits works best for you (How can you do them more often)
How do you stop your porn urges
Rome wasn’t built in one day and your porn-free journey isn’t ruined in one either. When you focus on growth instead of numbers, you become a better person.
The Most Effective Habits for Quitting Porn
You can’t just quit porn, you have to replace it. Otherwise you will be doomed to fall back into the same old habit.
While you will have different ideas on what to replace porn with, there are a few consistent habits that make managing the addiction easier. Things like waking up with intention, moving your body, and practicing gratitude can all move the needle in your favor.
Daily Habits That Help Men Quit Porn for Good
Freedom from porn is built in your habits, not in your intentions. With the right nutrition, sleep, and daily habits you can help keep porn away. Simply by doing the things you know you should, this creates discipline and porn has less space to consume.
Once I started incorporating daily habits, it felt like I had started to build “neural armor”. My brain was protected against my everyday urges. When I was bored, instead of grabbing my phone I would grab my dog’s leash.
Simple daily habits made a huge difference. But, one good day isn’t going to fix your addiction. They are called “Daily” habits for a reason.
Check out the 8 Daily Habits That Help Men Quit Porn
Cold Exposure and Pressing on Pain
Pleasure and pain are co-located in the brain. This means that if you pull your pleasure lever, it will be followed by an almost equal and opposite pain. Similar to a balance scale.
The more you pull the pleasure lever (i.e. porn), the deeper you sink into pain. It’s not a physical pain but a deep mental pain. The kind of pain that makes you not want to get out of bed and only continue watching porn.
The same can be true when you press on pain. Physical exertion and cold exposure can pull heavily on the pain lever. This creates an almost equal pleasure.
The kind of pleasure that is deep and lasting. The kind of pleasure that makes you smile at old ladies and hold the door open for strangers.
By pulling the pain lever instead of the pleasure lever, you hit the jackpot: Deep, satisfying pleasure that doesn’t make you continue chasing it. Something porn will never be able to offer you.
Get Cold: Why Cold Showers Help Fight Porn Urges
How to Handle Urges and Avoid Relapse
Urges don’t mean you’re weak. They mean your brain is trying to get back to a familiar dopamine hit. The key isn’t to white-knuckle through them, but to have a plan before the craving hits. You need a strategy for dealing with urges and dealing with relapse fast.
Practical Tools for Stopping Porn Urges
Porn addiction is a cycle. Most men fail not because they lack motivation. They fail because they are unprepared to break the cycle.
When a porn urge hits, it can feel automatic. You pull out your phone, type a couple letters, and autofill does the rest. Fast and easy, a deadly combination for anything pulling your attention away from reality.
That’s why being prepared is the most important thing you can do to quit. There are many different ways that you can curb urges when they come up:
Urge surfing
The 20 minute rule
The triple D framework
Movement
Finding the right cycle breaker for you is most important. My favorite is urge surfing. During my strongest cravings it felt like a tidal wave coming toward shore. Instead of standing on the beach waiting for it to swallow me, I ran toward it, jumped on my surf board, and rode the urge until it subsided.
Being able to visualize my cravings and begin to understand them fueled my recovery. But, there is no one size fits all process when it comes to managing cravings. Find the strategy that works best for you.
Dig deeper into managing cravings: How to Stop Porn Urges without Relapsing
What to Do If You Relapse
Relapsing sucks. It can feel like you failed, like you’re never going to succeed, and it can spiral into weeks or months of use. Knowing how to manage relapse is key to one moment of weakness doesn’t turn into months of poor behavior.
Relapsing is not a failure, it is a chance to learn. When you relapse, it is a chance to learn more about your behavior. Where did you relapse? At what time? What emotions did you feel? Understanding what led to relapse is a major step in the recovery direction.
There are 4 key steps to recovering quickly after using porn:
Interrupt the shame spiral
Reflect without judgment
Identify your triggers
Recommit to your goals
By knowing what to do when you relapse, you can get right back on the recovery train. There’s absolutely no reason to stay stuck at the addiction station.
Learn how to use the 4 step framework: How to Recover After a Porn Relapse Without Shame
NoFap Vs. Mindful Masturbation: Which Is Better?
When it comes to quitting porn, men often find themselves with one option.
Count the days and practice complete abstinence.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Abstinence is only one solution to the problem.
Another is mindful masturbation. A practice to channel your sexual energy into yourself, rather than shooting it into a tissue every chance you get.
There’s no right answer but there is a better fit depending on your history, goals, and mindset.
What Is Mindful Masturbation
Mindful masturbation is a masturbation practice that brings your focus internal with presence, intention, and full body arousal. It retrains your brain to respond to real life sensations.
A key principle behind mindful masturbation is that abstinence is not the key to a healthy sexual life. People need to express their sexual energy in a way that is authentic to them.
During Mindful Masturbation you:
Do not use pornography
Spend time on other body parts besides genitals
Build sexual confidence and body positivity
Rather than copying what you see in porn, your arousal comes from deep within. Each action is in service of you. Over time, you recondition your brain to become deeply involved with your sexual encounters. This makes sex and masturbation a process of connection and healing, not flurry and instant pleasure.
Learn more: The Beginner's Guide to Mindful Masturbation
The Pros and Cons of Each
Both NoFap and Mindful Masturbation are powerful tools to curb porn addiction and become a free man. No matter which path you choose, you are taking a step in the right direction.
It is more about picking the right one for you than there being a right answer. You should pick:
NoFap: If you are motivated by days and do not mind a blunt, goal focused culture
Mindful Masturbation: If you wish to expand your sexual practice and become connected with your sexual power.
From my experience, mindful masturbation has been a much better practice for curbing porn addiction. Rather than repressing your sexuality, you learn to use your sexual energy to gain more money, create financial freedom, and have a much better sex life.
Want to dive deeper? NoFap vs Mindful Masturbation: What Actually works?
The Benefits of Quitting Porn (That No One Talks About)
Most guys start quitting porn just to stop feeling ashamed and stuck. What keeps them going is something deeper: the unexpected wins.
I'm not talking about getting to day 10 or 40, I’m talking about real life gains. My clients have seen increased financial success, huge improvements in confidence, and their sexual performance skyrocketing.
Quitting porn is not about taking a stand against sexual content. It’s about taking a stand for your health, wellness, and family. The better you are, the better your life will be.
Surprising Benefits Backed by Science
The pros of quitting pornography (and any overstimulating habit) are well established. In this Cambridge study, there is a direct correlation between men using pornography and decreased sexual function. Kind of a downer when your lady wants to have a fun night.
Not only does sexual function decrease. Your emotional regulations and motivation take a steep decline. You become moody and lazy. The kind of man that no one finds attractive.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. I see clients go from low energy sad sacks to confident, powerful men. The kind of men that can hold their own in any room and in any bed. Not only will your sexual life improve but your mood regulation, dopamine sensitivity, and even physical health with gain.
The changes are stark and they can happen for you.
Need more proof? 13 Surprising Benefits of Quitting Porn
Your Personalized Quit Porn Game Plan
So, you know the science. You know the tips. But somehow, it’s still a challenge. That's because tips and tricks mean nothing if you can’t build a solid foundation. And not just any foundation, a personalized one.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to porn addiction. What works is a strategy built around your triggers, goals, and values.
Build Your Anti-Porn Strategy
Success can come from a number of different routes. Stacking simple habits, building routines, and tracking daily urges all come to mind.
Quitting porn takes time and knowledge. If you’re like me, you’ll try to figure it out on your own. It can take years. My journey required 550 relapses, 5000+ hours of studying addiction and behavior, and 8 years of struggle. You don’t have to do all that.
In the first seven days of the Porn-Free Formula we will:
Start a tracking program to drive insights into what will help you quit
Begin building the foundation of a porn-free life
Reveal your drivers and values that can help make porn a thing of the past
We then build a customized plan and process to help you quit. Refining it as we learn more about your tendencies and behaviors. No more guess work, no more “why am I like this”, just clear forward progress.
Need help creating your plan? Click here to build it together.
