The Seven Deadly Sins of Porn in Dating
In this Study, men who self-identify as heavy, compulsive, or addicted porn users, 17%–58% struggle with sexual dysfunction (e.g., erectile difficulties, delayed ejaculation)
That’ll put a dampener on your third date. The link between porn use and erectile dysfunction is undeniable.
However, it is not the only challenge porn can introduce into your dating life.
I can distort your expectations, lower your self-esteem, break down communication, and cause intimacy challenges.
I used porn for years. Once I decided to quit, I tracked 550 relapses and studied addiction for over 5000 hours. These are the 7 deadly sins I noticed in my dating life.
Let's dive in.
Does Porn Addiction Impact My Dating Life?
Yes, porn addiction can have a significant impact on your dating life. From physical issues like erectile dysfunction to psychological challenges like deceit.
Porn creates unreasonable expectations of women and men. It is a show. Like watching your favorite superhero movie, it just doesn’t happen in real life.
Real life is messy, complicated, and challenging. It is meant to be a highly rewarding process that requires you to grow as a partner.
Porn is simple. That’s what makes it so addicting. You put in no effort and receive the reward. With time, this makes you reduce the amount of effort you’re willing to put into life.
Eventually, you can no longer have an interest in dating and relationships. Your partner becomes a needy and frustrating part of your life. This forces you into isolation.
Porn addiction creates messy and difficult relationships. Where fulfillment is unattainable and deceit is common.
When addiction is involved, you see each of the seven deadly sins show up. All creating more challenges for the relationship.
The Seven Deadly Sins of Porn Addiction in Dating
When you over-use porn, your dating life takes a hit. It becomes difficult to connect with your partner.
Each of these challenges can be related back to one of the 7 deadly sins, as known in the catholic religion. While I myself am not religious, the sins are very fitting to the impacts of relationships.
1. Pride: The Illusion of Superiority
The Sin: Pride in the religious context refers to the “puffing of the chest” feeling like you are more important than you are.
Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
How it shows up in dating:
Porn fuels a sense of entitlement and criticism. It distorts your perception of reality to expect unrealistic sexual performance. Rather than being involved in the experience, you compare it to the recent video you watched.
The power dynamics in mainstream pornography fuel male superiority. Rather than a shared experience, your partner is there to serve you all the time. This can be very appealing to men but destroys what should be a shared experience.
This creates a disconnect with your partner. Real people cannot compete with fantasy. Eventually, it erodes until you and your partner become apathetic toward each other.
2. Greed: Endless Novelty of Porn
The Sin: Greed is the constant desire for more. An endless desire that cannot be satisfied, even when you have more than you can reasonably use. No amount of relationship satisfaction can suffice the greedy.
How it shows up in dating:
Greed manifests in dating as a constant hunger for novelty. You want more stimulation, more bodies, more extremes. You constantly search for erotic content in real life and digitally.
When you become greedy sexually, your partner cannot satisfy you. No amount of new toys and new positions seem to matter. It is never enough.
Your hunger pushes you to the endless novelty of porn, where there is always something new. Your partner becomes an after thought.
3. Wrath: Emotional Disconnection
The Sin: Wrath is when your anger and emotions boil over to attack those around you. Anger itself is not the sin, but when used to harm others it is.
Anger becomes sin when it causes undue harm or punishment.
How it shows up in dating:
Porn rewires the brain to expect things to be fast and simple. It is always 3 clicks and seconds away. Porn’s availability drives the ease of getting sexual satisfaction. This creates an expectation that sexual satisfaction should be easy to achieve.
When expectations fueled by porn aren't met, you become impatient, cold, or even resentful toward your partner. Even without realizing it. What should be a place of warmth and vulnerability becomes a source of irritation.
This frustration drives more porn use. Dating can be so frustrating that you choose to no longer pursue a partner.
4. Envy: Deceit
The Sin: Envy is a desire for what others have. When you are resentful of another's success and prosperity, you become envious.
“Sorrow at another’s prosperity” — St. Thomas Aquinas
How it shows up in dating:
With porn, envy shows up as a desire to have what you do not. Pornstars, unrealistic sex, and servitude are all wanted. Porn offers these things in spades.
Once you realize that your partner cannot compete with porn, the deceit begins. You’re “Tired”, “Not in the mood”, and “No longer find her attractive”. The excuses come fast and furious. In more extreme cases, this leads to cheating.
The truth? Your envy has led you astray. Never to be satisfied by real intimacy. You chase what you cannot have, leading to an empty existence.
5. Lust: Wandering Eyes and Hyperstimulation
The sin: Lust is extreme sexual desire. It shows up as desire for partners besides your own.
“Unbridled desire” leading to transgressive acts
How it shows up in dating:
In dating, Lust shows up as an endless desire for new partners. Staring at other women in public and watching them behind closed doors.
Lust is a form of sexual greed. Wanting more and more to the point you will chase new partners over and over again. Never to find a deeper emotional connection.
Porn drives lust through endless novelty. You become addicted to new scenarios, partners, and sexual stimuli. This makes it impossible to connect with a partner.
Dating becomes an endless carousel of new partners that can never scratch the itch.
6. Gluttony: Excessive Sexual Indulgence
The sin: Gluttony is the over-use of something at the expense of others. While you are over satisfied, others are left needy and unfulfilled.
The gorging of the prosperous may leave the needy hungry
How it shows up in dating:
With porn, gratification is always three click away. This skews expectations in real relationships, where timing, consent, and emotional context matter.
The desire to be constantly entertained or pleased creates entitlement. It also creates disappointment when reality doesn't comply. Your partner cannot keep up with your unrelenting use.
You find your sexual needs met by pornography. Your partner is therefore left with unmet sexual needs.
You feel unconnected. They feel unfulfilled.
7. Sloth: Anhedonia and Apathy
The Sin: Sloth is a feeling of carelessness. Where you no longer have feelings toward something. In extreme cases, you cannot feel pleasure from the activity at all.
“Affectlessness… gives rise to apathy and passive inertia”
How it shows up in dating:
Overusing porn can lead to anhedonia. The inability to feel pleasure from activities that are not porn.
When navigating a relationship, anhedonia makes it impossible to enjoy it. You’ve become so familiar with high stimulus porn that life seems boring. Your partner becomes an after thought.
This seeps into other parts of your life. Even your work and family relationships suffer. You no longer derive pleasure from everyday activities.
You feel numb. Unable to feel anything except when using porn.
The Seven Antidotes to Save Your Relationship from Porn Use
Here are the antidotes, “virtues” or healing practices, for each of the Seven Deadly Sins of Porn Use in Dating, offering a redemptive path for those seeking healthier, more connected relationships:
1. Pride → Humility
The Cure:
Practice self-awareness and honest vulnerability. Acknowledge your limitations and learn from your partner. True connection starts with seeing the other person as equal. Not as an object, but as a soul.
While everyone has their kinks, open communication is the key. Power dynamics are often a key part of sexual experience. Make sure you understand your partners desires and make space for their experience.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis
Action Step:
Communicate with your partner to create a shared sexual experience. Confess mistakes openly. Ask for feedback. Affirm your partner’s value without comparison.
2. Greed → Satisfaction
The Cure:
Satisfaction comes from generosity. The act of giving to your partner creates satisfaction. Focusing on your partners emotions, pleasure, and experience takes the focus away from yourself. Greed yeilds to generosity, and in turn, your partner will have more to give back to you.
On an emotional level, commit to truthfulness, even when it’s uncomfortable. Truth leaves no space for greed to grow. When you’re honest with your partner about your desires and needs, you become a team.
Porn teaches you to take; love teaches you to give.
Action Step:
Focus on your partner’s emotional and physical needs. Take a few weeks to explore her emotional and phsycal depth. Find her sensitive spots, understand how to bring her pleasure.
3. Wrath → Patience and Empathy
The Cure:
Reconnect with your emotions. Rather than suppressing or redirecting frustration through fantasy, learn to process pain with your partner.
If you learn to manage these emotions, you will no longer need to use pornography. Your relationship will offer the emotional shelter that porn used to give you.
Be Slow to Anger
Action Step:
When you feel your frustration begin to boil over, pause. Take 5 deep breathes and communicate without blame. Remember that your partner is on your team. They deserve your patience and support.
Life is messy and so is dating. Embrace the mess like a pig in a mud pit.
4. Envy → Gratitude and Presence
The Cure:
Train your eyes and heart to appreciate the real person in front of you. Gratitude turns what you have into enough.
Comparison kills joy; appreciation revives it.
Action Step:
Start a daily gratitude ritual. name three things you value about your partner or your relationship, no matter how small. Become so appreciative of your partner that it trumps all doubt.
5. Lust → Integrity and Admiration
The Cure:
Sexual integrity means honoring sex as a gift meant for unity, not consumption. It is a reframing of sex from a physical act to an emotional connection. Creating a deeper sense of partnership rather than using each other for pleasure.
Admiration and lust cannot exist at the same time. Admiration replaces objectification with awe. A pure appreciation for your partner rather than judgment.
Action Step:
Begin an appreciation practice. Either a journal or verbally will work. Everyday write or say 3 things that you appreciate about your partner. Become inspired by their strengths and curious about their weaknesses.
6. Gluttony → Temperance and Realism
The Cure:
Temperance is self-control. It means re-learning satisfaction without excess. Accept that love and sex in real life require patience, rhythm, and grace.
“Not everything that feels good is good for you.”
Action Step:
Practice a porn detox. Set boundaries for media use. Quit porn altogether and make room for love.
7. Sloth → Diligence
The Cure:
The opposite of apathy is engagement. Love isn't just a feeling, it’s effort, investment, and showing up even when it’s hard.
“Faith without works is dead.” – James 2:17
Action Step:
Commit to doing one thing each day to build your relationship. Listening, serving, creating, or simply being fully present. Show your partner you care about them.
Quitting Porn to have a Great Relationship
Whether you are dating someone or want to start, porn will get in the way.
The seven deadly sins of porn use in dating show how porn can consume you. You are no longer interested in your partner, you pursue others, and your partner suffers. Porn consumption creates many problems in a relationship.
But, it can all be managed. Simply by stopping porn use, you can manage these sins. Strengthening your relationship and making dating easier.
The Porn-Free Formula is a customized program to help you quit. Personalized coaching and accountability to help you become porn free. You can take back control today.
